Happy Halloween/All Hallows Eve!

It’s been a long while, friends! How are all of you doing? Enjoying the weather? It’s 80° here today! I remember when there was snow on the ground when I went trick-or-treating as a kid.

I’m going to ramble for awhile; hope you don’t mind. I now am on 200mg of Lamictal, and 50mg of Zoloft, and let me tell you: IT IS AMAZING. I think (knock on wood) this is the magic amount and type of drugs for me! I was telling Lucas the other day it’s probably how ‘normal’ people feel all the time, but for me I feel like I’m on drugs because I’m so happy and actually myself! It’s wonderful. (Granted yes, I am on drugs, but I mean like non-prescription drugs. You get it.)

I’m still at the vet clinic; it’s just me and The Groomer now, so I’ve been doing prep work, all the bathing, and then helping to finish whatever dogs are left. So a few less dogs that I’m finishing, but I’m still really enjoying it, learning new things, and getting more hours which is great!

Lucas and I are doing very well as are all the animals! Lunar Tides is going great and we’ve had a few live shows in our area!! That’s been a lot of fun; we have another on the 19th of November. In two months it’ll be a year that I’ve been sober. I’m pretty proud of myself for that. I’m sure a million other things have happened since I’ve been gone, and I know tons has been going on in your lives too! I’d love to hear all about it. I can’t promise I’m back for sure now, but I felt like doing a bit of blogging today and we’ll see where it leads us.

 

Have a fantastic week you wonderful WordPress friends. ❤

 

Jeff the Killer & Dia de los Muertos celebrator!

Tanner and Dark Tides

Tanner ❤

Rocky ❤

Dark Tides ❤

 

 

 

 

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Flying Solo

I have been taking different medications for depression and anxiety for just about a year now. I keep trying to find the medicine that will work for me, and some seem to but then lose their vigor. Two weeks ago I was put on Lexapro 10 mg. I was previously on Zoloft 200 mg, but had been feeling very foggy and tired all the time. I also was having some anger spurts which were not very fun!!

However, the Lexapro was TERRIBLE for me. I was irritated at everything, and would snap on Lucas just for looking at me! So I decided to quit taking the Lexapro because even if it began to be helpful, the irritation was not worth it. Now I’m just me in my head, and we’ll see how that goes. I have a psychiatrist appointment in about a month, and we’ll see where I’m at then. But for now, I figured it might be a good idea to try to get back to me and see how I’m doing. I’ve been on different meds for so long now, that I’m not even sure what feelings are mine and which are drug-induced!

It will be nice to see how I am on my own, but at the same time I don’t want to lose all the progress I’ve made when things have been going well. I’m still going to therapy, and actually have an appointment in an hour. So we’ll see how things go.

Other than that, life has been moving at high speed. Still grooming dogs, had a death in the family and the funeral last weekend, am sick now which sucks, and haven’t been on here or writing like I should! But I’m hoping to get back into things. Lucas and I are doing great, as are the animals which is good. I don’t know what I’d do without Lucas, and am so thankful he puts up with my moods and is so understanding to not hate me when I’m mean to him!! Mental illness sucks.

I hope everyone is doing well though, take care!!  ❤

 

Social Anxiety vs Social Awkwardness

It’s been about a week since changing the dosage of Celexa from 10mg to 20mg. Tonight I’m actually going to push the time I take it back a bit. When I was on the 10mg I didn’t really get that drowsy. I think I would a little bit, but I would drink a cup of coffee and be just fine. I was noticing this week it seemed like I was pretty tired, and I think it’s because the higher dosage has a bigger impact on that side effect, and just coffee wasn’t cutting it!

Tonight (and hereafter) I’m going to take it at 10 PM instead of 8 PM. I don’t want to take it too much later than that, even though I stay up quite a bit later than that, because on the weekends I work, or if I get scheduled for a morning shift, I’ll have to go to sleep at 10 and don’t want to have to take my meds early or set an alarm to take them later. We’ll see how taking them at ten differs, or if it even does!

We upped the dosage because I was still having anxiety, and because my motivation and energy levels hadn’t really gone up. I think pushing the time back will help me better determine if my levels are going up again. So far I’m not really sure if they have been or not.

I’ve always been a little awkward in social settings. I’m a great listener, but for some reason I’m not very good at small talk. I don’t know what to do with my hands, or I second guess myself in saying something, and end up with a goofy look on my face saying nothing at all and just make the whole thing more awkward than it already is! Putting anxiety into the mix only makes things worse. Then not only am I acting totally weird and awkward, I’m also petrified to be there in the first place!

I realized the other day that even if the Celexa helps my anxiety, it isn’t going to help my awkwardness. Which is kind of upsetting. I think I was subconsciously thinking the anxiety and awkwardness went hand-in-hand, but really I’m just awkward. I’m hoping the anxiety goes away, and it seems like it maybe has eased up a bit. However, I’m just as awkward as ever. So now I’m thinking maybe I should get a “How to Not Be Socially Awkward for Dummies” book. Do they even have one like that? Those are my thoughts for today, does anyone else suffer from social awkwardness or have any suggestions/tips or self-help books for me? I’m open to anything! 🙂 I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start.

A Whole Month Down of Better Living

On Monday I had a doctor’s appointment for a follow-up on how the Celexa 10mg has been working so far. If you’ve been following my journey on Celexa, you already know it has helped out a bunch thus far!! The anxiety is still very much there though, just sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office was nerve wracking!

The doctor decided to bump me up to 20mg. We collectively decided I don’t want to be on something solely for anxiety, as you can become dependent on those medications and that is definitely not something I want for myself! Since I was started on such a low dose, he thinks going to 20mg should help me out. If I don’t see an improvement in two weeks I’ll make another appointment, otherwise I’ll see him again in three months.

We came to the decision of upping the dosage for a few reason. The anxiety was a big factor of course, but it also was because my motivation and energy levels hadn’t really increased very much. They had a little bit, but not as much as he thought they should have. (I’m really hoping that isn’t just because I’m lazy..) hehe.

So here’s to starting on 20mg of Celexa! I’m hoping this will end the anxiety, or at least put a pretty large dent in it. As for everything else, it’s going rather well! I still haven’t had any large bouts with depression the past month, which has been amazing. And Lucas is still weirded out (in a good way!) that I don’t blow up on him and I’m talking all the time. Hah, now he can’t get me to shut up! Sorry, baby! 😉 I hope everyone’s enjoying their week!