Hello, Everyone!

Hello, Everyone!

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post, after saying that I was going to try to make more scheduled posts in 2016! Well I still will try, it just might be a little bit later than intended. I haven’t been very active on here, as you may have noticed (sorry!), but I definitely have not forgotten you wonderful people!!

I think a few factors have influenced my ghost-like appearance here on WordPress: I’ve been working a lot and then feeling lazy when I get home, I’ve been busy with Rocky and hanging out with Lucas, plus I just have been feeling kind of anxious when I think about getting on here. Not really sure why, there’s no reason for it and I really love blogging and reading all of your blogs! That’s probably the main reason though, and it really bothers me because I do love being on here, I just don’t quite know how to make myself come back to it!

I’m going to be making an appointment with the doctor to get another checkup on my Celexa and see if that needs changed at all, and then my arm keeps going numb which has been SUPER annoying and I’d like to figure out why, and my right nostril hurts! Haha, maybe too much info there, but I figured I’d fill you in. ๐Ÿ˜‰ So hopefully in a little time I will be back full-force to read through your blogs and continue blogging myself, perhaps with a schedule in mind!

I have read your comments, and I really super appreciate them, thank you! I will be trying to get back to them all in the near future. For now, I hope everyone is having a great week and things are going well! Talk to you soon. ๐Ÿ˜€

Since it’s Been Awhile, Here’s a Celexa Update

Since it’s Been Awhile, Here’s a Celexa Update

I have now been on Celexa for exactly a month and three weeks. The first month was at 10mg, and these past three weeks has been at 20mg. I am still deciding on whether or not to make another appointment. When the doctor raised me to 20mg, he said if the anxiety didn’t get cleared up and my motivation and energy levels didn’t increase, to come back in two to three weeks. Otherwise, he would see me in three months!

The anxiety has been clearing up a lot more, I think. My energy levels and motivation aren’t really up, but there are a lot of other factors at play there, so I don’t think the Celexa is or isn’t to blame. So it’s helping a lot, and I’m not sure I’d want to up the dosage, or if upping the dosage would even be beneficial! Still deciding on whether or not to make the appointment.

Has Celexa improved my way of life? Uhm, that is a huge, loud, resounding YES. Yes, Celexa has been a life-saver. I mainly went to the doctor because I was beginning to feelย soย depressed with life and everything in general, and I knew that I was not being myself. Did I really think taking some anti-depressants would fix me? Well, I sure hoped so. But I was pretty skeptical about it too. I’m so glad I went ahead and tried, regardless if the only reason why was because it was my last resort. Life has beenย amazing since being on it.

Lucas and I were just talking last night, and he was saying it’s amazing what a difference it’s made in me. He said before I would walk around with a cloud over my head. He said we never talked, that I was just locked inside myself and would say I was fine and happy, but there would be no light behind my eyes.

Now, I know I was feeling like this, but didn’t know exactly how to say what I was feeling. However, I didn’t realize it was that bad, and that I wasn’t even talking with him hardly! I knew it was bad, but I’m thinking I was even worse off than I realized. I am so thankful I have someone as amazing and wonderful as Lucas to stand by me through all of this, and be able to also understand with me how far I’ve come to get over my depressive state! There are no words for how lucky and thankful I am for him.

Basically, being on Celexa has been great. It’s helping me get back to being the ‘real‘ me, and that is just wonderful! So there you have it, my Celexa update. ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start!!

Life Update

Life Update

Last night Lucas had the fabulous idea of marathoning movies, and we decided on all the X-Men movies!! It was a blast; we watched all five of them in a row! We started around eight pm, and were finally done around six thirty am! We didn’t know if we’d make it through the final one, but we sure did! Surprisingly, neither one of us had any dreams about being an X-Man, but I think that may have had to do with the fact that we were exhausted! Perhaps tonight our brains will make up for it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

The vet clinic is going very well; I’m still getting enough hours. I would like to have even more, but for now it’ll work! I should be getting my ‘review’ soon. For the first 90 days we’re on probation, and then we have an evaluation where it’s determined whether we’ll become full-fledged workers or not! I’m not sure why all that is; I mean we’re already working there right? Unless I get a raise, I don’t really see the point, but it’s exciting nonetheless. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I also got the days off I requested to go to Iowa and see our families!! I am super excited about that. We’ll be leaving on Thanksgiving day I think, and will hopefully make it up there to stand in line at Best Buy to get a deal on a TV! Then we’ll spend all weekend visiting family, and leave on Monday to come back home! Randy will take care of the boys (and Calypso!) while we’re gone so that’s good.

I’ve been on the 20mg of Celexa for two weeks now. I think it’s helping, but I can’t quite tell. I mean, for the depression it definitely is, and was with the 10mg as well! But I’m not for sure about the anxiety. It does seem to have lessened, but I don’t really go anywhere to really see if it has. Plus thinking about driving all the way to Iowa freaks me out. I’m not really sure why; I’ve never been afraid of road trips and have always loved driving. I can’t tell if it’s a control thing, since Lucas will be driving and not me, or if it is anxiety-driven. (No pun intended!) I think I might just make another appointment to see what the doctor thinks about everything, since he’s supposed to be the expert! Plus I’ve met my deductible on the insurance, so I don’t have to pay for the visit anyway! Might as well take advantage before the year’s over.

I also made an eye appointment; I had one schedule for Tuesday, but have to work at the time I had made it for like six months ago, so I changed it to December 3rd. I’m still on my dad’s insurance for a couple more years, and he’s changing it next year and it will no longer cover eye exams. This isn’t very good for me, since being a type 1 Diabetic I’m supposed to definitely be getting my eyes checked regularly, but I’m thinking we’ll be able to figure something out. He’s really great at helping me with all things medical!

The last eye appointment I had my eyes had been hemorrhaging, and one was in a moderate state while the other was mild. Not good at all!! At the time I was smoking (so gross, I know!) but my dad bought Lucas and me both e-cigarettes to use instead. (I told you-he looks out for us!) So we’ve been vaping, and hopefully that has helped with my eyes. I suppose I’ll find out in a few weeks!

That’s about all the new news I have for now, I think! I hope everyone’s having a fantastic week so far! I’m working this weekend, so it’ll be a long one for me, plus Twitch streaming on Saturday night! What are you looking forward to this weekend?

Social Anxiety vs Social Awkwardness

Social Anxiety vs Social Awkwardness

It’s been about a week since changing the dosage of Celexa from 10mg to 20mg. Tonight I’m actually going to push the time I take it back a bit. When I was on the 10mg I didn’t really get that drowsy. I think I would a little bit, but I would drink a cup of coffee and be just fine. I was noticing this week it seemed like I was pretty tired, and I think it’s because the higher dosage has a bigger impact on that side effect, and just coffee wasn’t cutting it!

Tonight (and hereafter) I’m going to take it at 10 PM instead of 8 PM. I don’t want to take it too much later than that, even though I stay up quite a bit later than that, because on the weekends I work, or if I get scheduled for a morning shift, I’ll have to go to sleep at 10 and don’t want to have to take my meds early or set an alarm to take them later. We’ll see how taking them at ten differs, or if it even does!

We upped the dosage because I was still having anxiety, and because my motivation and energy levels hadn’t really gone up. I think pushing the time back will help me better determine if my levels are going up again. So far I’m not really sure if they have been or not.

I’ve always been a little awkward in social settings. I’m a great listener, but for some reason I’m not very good at small talk. I don’t know what to do with my hands, or I second guess myself in saying something, and end up with a goofy look on my face saying nothing at all and just make the whole thing more awkward than it already is! Putting anxiety into the mix only makes things worse. Then not only am I acting totally weird and awkward, I’m also petrified to be there in the first place!

I realized the other day that even if the Celexa helps my anxiety, it isn’t going to help my awkwardness. Which is kind of upsetting. I think I was subconsciously thinking the anxiety and awkwardness went hand-in-hand, but really I’m just awkward. I’m hoping the anxiety goes away, and it seems like it maybe has eased up a bit. However, I’m just as awkward as ever. So now I’m thinking maybe I should get a “How to Not Be Socially Awkward for Dummies” book. Do they even have one like that? Those are my thoughts for today, does anyone else suffer from social awkwardness or have any suggestions/tips or self-help books for me? I’m open to anything! ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start.

A Whole Month Down of Better Living

A Whole Month Down of Better Living

On Monday I had a doctor’s appointment for a follow-up on how the Celexa 10mg has been working so far. If you’ve been following my journey on Celexa, you already know it has helped out a bunch thus far!! The anxiety is still very much there though, just sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office was nerve wracking!

The doctor decided to bump me up to 20mg. We collectively decided I don’t want to be on something solely for anxiety, as you can become dependent on those medications and that is definitely not something I want for myself! Since I was started on such a low dose, he thinks going to 20mg should help me out. If I don’t see an improvement in two weeks I’ll make another appointment, otherwise I’ll see him again in three months.

We came to the decision of upping the dosage for a few reason. The anxiety was a big factor of course, but it also was because my motivation and energy levels hadn’t really increased very much. They had a little bit, but not as much as he thought they should have. (I’m really hoping that isn’t just because I’m lazy..) hehe.

So here’s to starting on 20mg of Celexa! I’m hoping this will end the anxiety, or at least put a pretty large dent in it. As for everything else, it’s going rather well! I still haven’t had any large bouts with depression the past month, which has been amazing. And Lucas is still weirded out (in a good way!) that I don’t blow up on him and I’m talking all the time. Hah, now he can’t get me to shut up! Sorry, baby! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I hope everyone’s enjoying their week!

Week 3 Down, Are There Changes?

Week 3 Down, Are There Changes?

Week three of taking Celexa (10mg) is now down! What is new from last week? Well there definitely have been some changes in my behavior – all good things! The anxiety seems to be persistent still, unfortunately. I have another week though to go, and the anxiety isn’t as bad as it was so it is going down, just not as fast and much as I’d like. I’m not always the most patient person!

As for the depression, that has been pretty much non-existent! I find I am much calmer, and I really enjoy things. I liked working at the vet clinic before, but now I feel like Iย reallyย enjoy it which is awesome! I’ve gotten more hours there and my own set of keys, by the way! Things are looking up in that department!

Lucas has said he can definitely notice a difference in my mood. I’m always happy, and he doesn’t feel like some days he’s walking on egg shells because my moods are so up and down. I made sure to ask him if I was still being myself, and not seeming like I’m being ‘drugged’; he assured me I’m still me, just my happy self all the time instead of my depressed/angry/detached self. That is so great!!

Overall I have been super happy with the outcome of taking Celexa thus far. Plus, my body must be accepting it because my blood sugars haven’t been dropping after taking it like they were before. I still need to make an appointment with my Diabetes doctor though. (I know, I should have done that sooner..I’m a procrastinator :/ )

Now I’ll be calling the doctor sometime this week to check in and see if I need to make an appointment about how taking the Celexa is going, or if they just will do a phone consult. We’ll see if I stay on the 10mg or what they decide to do! It’s going well though, thankfully. I’ve been lucky to find the right medication on the first try; as long as it starts helping with the anxiety soon! I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start. ๐Ÿ™‚

Second Week Down

Second Week Down

Today marks the second week that I’ve been on Celexa. (10 mg) This would be the time the doctor said Lucas might notice some differences in me, and by next week I should start to notice some changes. Are there differences? Well, yes, I think so.

Lucas has noticed I seem more ‘mellow’. I don’t get angry or upset at little things as easily as I used to, which is great! Being angry isn’t as fun as I may make it out to be. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Other than that, he hasn’t noticed anything too big, but that is a pretty big thing in itself!

Even though I was told I probably wouldn’t notice any differences until week three, I feel like I have noticed some differences. I don’t necessarily notice it at the time, but I’ll think back and realize I handled a situation better than I normally would have.

Take for instance last Friday. I get paid on Fridays now, but my check comes anywhere from 10 PM Thursday night to midnight Friday morning. That particular week didn’t see my check coming in until 3 AM! I was mad about it, sure. Lucas and I plan Wal*Mart trips to get the essentials and it’s our bi-weekly shopping trip we look forward to and usually have fun doing.

Now, the past few paychecks had been pretty crappy so I wasn’t a very fun Wal*Mart participant on our normally fun trips. (Sorry, Lucas!) I would get really upset when I felt like I should have gotten paid more, and we didn’t have as much money to spend on stuff as I would have liked. Now if I was that upset then, not receiving my check should have sent me over the edge! Instead though, I just contemplated who I’d contact first when I woke up (either the vet clinic or the bank) and the possibilities of why it hadn’t come yet. Sure, I was really upset about it, but I just threw on some Kevin Hart stand-up to entertain us and make myself laugh a little.

So very unlike me! But in a really good way. So yes, I think the Celexa had something to do with it. Maybe I’m giving it too much credit, I am still skeptical of the whole medication thing sometimes, but in all honesty I think it’s been helping. I haven’t felt really depressed; I’ll have moments where I kind of start to feel depressed, but then I just try to think of something positive and the mood usually goes away. This could be the Celexa, but it could be that I’m in a ‘happy’ phase instead of a depressed one. Time will tell!

As for my anxiety, however, that is still very much there. The Celexa is supposed to be helping with that as well, but so far hasn’t been. We went to the mall over the weekend because I needed to send my ring out to get a stone tightened. It was getting loose and I didn’t want to lose it! I’m still waiting for it to get back and miss it very much. (ha, yes I miss my ring.) When we got to the counter of Helzberg’s, my hands were shaking like a leaf and Lucas asked if my blood sugar was low. Nope, I was just freaking out that much being in a crowded place! Like I said it might take me three weeks though, so we still have time for it to kick in! They also could up the dosage after a month too, which could be what needs to happen. We’ll see after another two weeks!

All in all I still haven’t had any bad side effects, so that’s great. I think overall it’s been a good journey; not completely better or anything, but I don’t expect changes to happen overnight. Plus I need to help myself along the journey; I can’t just rely on the medication! It’s nice to know I shouldn’t have to try out other medications though, the Celexa seems to be a good fit thus far. I’ll keep you updated on any changes!

Day Three on Celexa

Day Three on Celexa

I took the first dose of Celexa (10mg) on Tuesday night, so tonight was the fourth night of taking it but only the third day on it. The side effects can include drowsiness or feeling as if you’re overly caffeinated, so morning or evening is best depending on how it affects you.

The time I wake up varies quite a bit, so I figured taking it later in the evening would work out best for me. I decided on 8PM for a few reasons. I go to sleep usually anywhere from three to six in the morning. When I have to wake up the next morning at six for work however, I go to bed at ten. (Try to anyway) I definitely wanted to take it before ten, otherwise I’d have to take it early on the days I had to go to bed early. Every Saturday we stream on Twitch starting around nine, so I didn’t want to have to remember to take a pill mid-stream. Eight seemed like the obvious time, and so far it’s been working just fine. It has made me a little sleepy I think, but once I’m over that bit of drowsiness I’m fine.

The first night about seven hours after I took it I started feeling like I had drank three pots of coffee and did a line of blow. I told Lucas that exactly. I don’t know that it was actually the Celexa though, it may have just been from drinking coffee, being tired, and getting loopy. Who knows?

Headaches are also a side effect, and I’ve been getting lots of headaches. Before starting Celexa I’d been having lots of headaches though, so I don’t really think that’s why I’m having them. However, they have been a lot worse than they usually are, so that may be attributed to the Celexa.

Lastly, something I think the doctor probably should have mentioned, no, he DEFINITELY should have mentioned, is that it can make your blood sugar low. That’s something SUPER important to tell a Type 1 Diabetic. The first two nights I woke up with a low blood sugar. That should have been a clue that it was the Celexa, but I do wake up with lows sometimes so I didn’t piece it together right away. I finally did though, and changed how much insulin I get from midnight to seven on my own to experiment. (I’m on an insulin pump) I just did that last night, so we’ll see if the changes I made were accurate.

That definitely isn’t a deal breaker for me, and honestly it might help control my blood sugars more! Other than that I haven’t noticed any side effects, and none of the bad ones so that’s really good. I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going! ๐Ÿ™‚

Now We Wait

Now We Wait

On Monday I had a doctor’s appointment to address my anxiety and depression and I think it went well. They prescribed me 10mg of Celexa, which I just stated taking tonight. (Literally a minute ago) I should hopefully begin to see results in three weeks, a month at most. After a month I’ll contact the doctor and we’ll see if we need to go to 20mg (which is what most people are on, if not a little higher) or if we need to try a different medication.

Hopefully, if all goes as expected, being on this should help me with my anxiety and depression so that would be fantastic! Lucas is iffy on SSRI’s since a side effect is having more suicidal thoughts, plus people have said it makes them feel as if they’re a zombie and they can’t function properly. As in creatively, writing, drawing, etc. I really appreciate his concern here, and I completely agree! There are always possible crappy outcomes, but I feel like trying something is better than not, so we’ll give it a whirl. Plus I’ve been just trying to rationalize things in my mind and work it out myself, and that hasn’t been going very well.

I read a lot of reviews and it seems like people who are on or have been on Celexa have had really great outcomes with it. I talked to my mom who’s an RN and her current job is working in behavioral and mental health, and she said her patients do really well on it. That all made me feel pretty good about the choice, assuming it’s the Serotonin level that needs addressed. We’ll know more in a month! Does anyone else have any insight on Celexa? Please feel free to share! ๐Ÿ™‚

That’s the biggest change for now, everything else in my life is pretty much the same as last week, haha. Did anyone watch the Lunar Eclipse on Sunday?? It was beautiful here! Lucas and Randy and I sat outside and watched the entire thing; it was a lot of fun! I worked all weekend so we just did a short quick stream on Saturday for Lunar Tides but that was pretty fun. I work next weekend too so we’ll see how much practice we get done. When I work weekends I have to go in in the morning for awhile and then go back in the afternoon. This isn’t a big deal, but it messes with my normal sleep schedule so I’m usually pretty tired all weekend. That’s also why I didn’t post a Band Photo Weekend; I was going to yesterday but then didn’t get online at all and now it’s Tuesday so I’m just going to be lazy and wait until next weekend.

I have a few award nominations I still need to write up and I’ll be working on that in the next coming days! I’ve been a little behind on blogging and reading all of your lovely blog posts, but I will do my best to get as caught up as I can this week! I hope everyone’sย having a great day. ๐Ÿ˜€